forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
