I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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