What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
