just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
