We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
