He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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