lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
