Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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