i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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