D3 body, D1 cock
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
