i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
