honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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