If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
