I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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