Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i was born a porn star she said
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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