Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
