I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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