Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
