8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
