You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
