If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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