My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
