All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.