Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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