DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
