I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
