matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
