she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
