Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
