hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
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If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
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She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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