I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
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