don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
