So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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