The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
