Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
