I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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