i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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