if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
