"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
