Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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