i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
