someone owes me an orgasm
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
