Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
