So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
