I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
