I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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