My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
