I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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