Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
