i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
