I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
