How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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