I'd wear matching sweaters with you
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Barsexuality is the new black.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize