My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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