he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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