But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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