and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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