Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
