I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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