You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
