ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
