So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
