i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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