chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
