when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
