I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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