I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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