i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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