Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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