do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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