I think my vagina is haunted
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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