do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
