you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
