he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
