On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
