She is in my trunk
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
