I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
