Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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