I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
