remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
should my penis look like a turkey
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
