We're like a lot better than the average bears
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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