Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
