I can tuck mytits in my pants
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
